Ernest Macmillan

[Warded Private]

I am starting to dread every holiday now. Wondering what she'll send this time. Something casually vicious. She knows exactly where to hit.

I shouldn't be here when she sends it. Inevitably. I should go home. But then I'll just be sitting in an empty house for Easter... or even the whole weekend because I have no idea what Connie is doing. I should post her. I should post her and go home and spend the three days just studying for Transfiguration and Charms no matter if she's going to Azkaban or Mum's or whatever.

Yes. Yes, and then I'll just fire-call Persy because hopefully I can at least direct my rage to some place productive and I'll vent and she'll vent and we'll just

Forget dread. Hate. Hate holidays.
[/Private]

["Warded Private to Hermione, Neville, Justin, Susan"]
Are you all going home for the hols?
[/Private]

Home for the holidays. I'm stocking up on coffee because ladies and gents? It's just about two months until exams and sleep is no longer an option.

Well. That didn't work. I won't be vague - healers suck.

( Private to Healer Pye )

( Private to Zacharias )

[Public to students at Hogwarts]
So I don't have to keep writing this down - yes, I went to the healer yesterday and yes, I had a procedure and no, I can't talk for at least 48 hours. Hopefully. I'm not ignoring anyone or being purposefully uncooperative; please be patient.

Also, whoever is telling the first years that bandage is holding my head on -- ha ha, very funny.
[/Public]

[Private to self]
A fairly good thing since Zacharias has returned. I guess Hogwarts is safe.

I don't know what to say. Or do. I didn't plan it this way, but I think thank god for small favours.
[/Private]

[Private to Padraig]
As you may or may not have seen, Zacharias Smith returned today. I would remind you of two things:
1) Fighting is prohibitted at Hogwarts
2) If you are concerned, please feel free to take it up with Sprout.]
[/Private}

[warded private]

I shouldn't feel so excited no, that isn't the right word.

Kinetic. I shouldn't feel so kinetic. I sit here and write and it's almost as if I'm barely harnessing something.

I don't know if it will be like it was but at least I felt then that I had some purpose, some place in the order of things. I can almost feel that feeling coming back and it's such a relief I don't know where to begin. It's awful, I think. It's awful but that doesn't stop me from feeling it.

I meant what I said (seems like so long ago, really 2 months) when I said the DA wasn't something that could be expanded or duplicated. It was a special group in a particular time period and

And I just wonder what we will make this time. If we can make anything at all. It seems a bit more unseemly now, what with the Ministry having active involvement instead of the dismissal then take over of years previous. I should just leave it alone. Yet, I don't trust any of them. Not even the Minister, who was a bloody Auror and one of Dumbledore's men.

Government, Zach, Hermione.

I have to trust her. I can't be this fucked up and paranoid. I just can't.

Argh. Seems like we're doomed to this.
[/private]

[private to Hufflepuff]

Common room, 9 tonight. Cocoa will be available. Bring your concerns.
[/private]

[private to Justin, Hannah, Susan]

You know, I'm tired of telling our house that we're safe and being patently wrong. And yet, I do believe it, if only because we're there.

Any suggestions would be well received.

Also, I know that the three of you are still talking to Zach. Please keep it warded; I don't want prying eyes coming here to take what might be seen as valuable to Zach for revenge purposes. Whatever his issues, everyone knows the way to a Hufflepuff is through the people they love.
[/private]

[warded to Hogwarts denizens]

It was a lot easier to write in this when I wasn't in school. I thought that perhaps it was the act of writing down thoughts that gave the whole call-and-receive magic a necessary distance. A desired distance. But, it's actual distance that gives distance and I can't think of anything to say that my brain doesn't automatically put a stop gap measure on because I'm here and have to face (literally) consequences.

Journals by nature are suppose to hold inner-most thoughts. This should be a form of release and... it really isn't.

( Private )

Thanks for the surprise party last night. It was indeed a surprise.

Hermione -- what time is the Prefect Meeting tomorrow?

I want to see all Hufflepuff 7's after the Prefect Meeting -- I'll update this for time once Hermione or Neville gets back to me Give it an hour after the train starts, meet in Zacharias' compartment. I've got some things I think need to be said before we arrive in Hogsmeade.

( Private )

( Private )

I spent my Christmas riding a bike through Paris in the near-freezing cold with my sister. We ended up at a party for some of my sister's co-workers who couldn't get home for Christmas because apparently this time of year is very busy for photo shoots since all the magazines are prepping for spring. There was a lot of what was I'm sure very good wine (it really all tastes much the same too me) and someone passed around the most decadent box of chocolates I've ever eaten from in my life (I still don't know what was in the middle of mine but it was like biting through bitter chocolate into a cloud of sweet fire), which I found strangely hilarious considering the company. But it was very nice and they were all very nice to me, if somewhat awkward considering I came in bearing a title: Persy's War Hero Brother.

But really, it was a very nice time and I do plan on keeping contact with at least one of her friends I still cannot believe anyone that gorgeous wants to keep talking to me. We left and rode the bike for a little while longer before making camp in Persy's flat and eating dinner (Steven, we had wild rice and mushroom casserole that was pretty good).

( Private )

We just talked for the rest of the evening and... it was nice. She really loves her life in France and I can see why a little now.

It was a nicer Christmas than I thought I was going to have this year.

I should be back on the 28th - I look forward to New Year's Eve!